


He Sleeps While She Waits

by blissey



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Drabble, F/F, F/M, First Love, Grief/Mourning, Retrospective, Stream of Consciousness, and injustice and movie and comics but w/e, ive never read a dc comic this is all fanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 22:31:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11045685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blissey/pseuds/blissey
Summary: You never forget your first love. Harley's learned that the hard way.





	He Sleeps While She Waits

He’d been dead for three days when the dreams started. They were sweet at first, dancing alone while the Beach Boys played, or taking her out for a candlelight picnic and drinking sparkling wine while fireworks went off over the hills. She almost let herself forget, during the dreams. It was easy to pretend that he was sweet and caring (really!) and that she missed him.

She wears black for the following year. Pam asks why she’s mourning someone who treated her so badly, and Harley doesn’t have an answer.

The dreams continue. In some of them, she’s saving him from demise, carrying him bridal style as he professes his love for her and they go and live happily away from Gotham, away from Bats and Pam and all their troubles. In others she’s back in the Asylum, treating him, and she has to relive the love she first felt for him, the schoolgirl pining over one of her patients.

After a year, the rose coloured glasses come off, and Harley’s relieved at first.

It’s almost comforting to be tortured by him, ridiculed for being weak and for being not enough. He shouts at her as she hangs in a cage, spotlights on her and everyone laughs. It’s not the right kind of attention, it’s mean and it’s coming from him and she loves it.

She hates that most of all.

No matter how much she reminds herself that he never loved her, that he was using her, that she was a pawn he fucked occasionally, she still loves him. Those moments where it felt like elation, like she was the fireworks show and he would watch her with adoration in her eyes - she’d kill for them. Harley knows Pam loves her, but it’s not the same - it’ll never be the same. She hates it.

She wishes for the love dreams. In those, it was okay to love him, to miss him. In the torture dreams she knows she couldn’t, knows he doesn’t care, and gods above she hates it.

The worst part is that if he ever came back, she knows that she’d ditch everything and go with him. She doesn’t want to, but she would. She knows herself too well.

The dreams continue. It’s been three years. She visits the place where it happened.

“You really fucked up my life,” she says, “I hate you.”

Pam is waiting in the car. Harley doesn’t say anything for the rest of the day.

When Pam tells Harley that she loves her, Harley tells her that she still loves him. Pam is angry, sure, but she gets it. “You never forget your first love,” Pam tells her, “you never stop loving them. You can hate them or forget them, but they’re with you forever.”

Yeah, Harley supposes. Yeah.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos / comment if you enjoyed! i'm not familiar with dc, so constructive criticism is welcome!!


End file.
